


smother.

by wolfbitez



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Out, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slight Smut, Touch Aversion, Touch-Starved, alcohol mention, but it’s brief and entirely skippable, chris is husband material, insomniac leon, lapslock intentional idgaf, leon is a whiny emo dork. we know this to be self evident, potential eating disorder tw ?, they bicker like kids..or a married couple..?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:22:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28021596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfbitez/pseuds/wolfbitez
Summary: “all this time, huh?” chris whispered, his voice low, hopeful. leon’s breath hitched, but he pretended not to hear anyway, opting not to answer that question.“chris…” he started with a shaky, nervous voice, “i’m...i’m so glad i have you.” he finished, uncharacteristically sincere. and, while it wasn’t a direct answer to his question, chris knew that, secretly, it was. and he knew exactly what it meant.
Relationships: Leon S. Kennedy/Chris Redfield
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	smother.

**Author's Note:**

> i will not call this self indulgent because it was entirely necessary. for some reason i am severely hyper fixated on resident evil and it’s literally kept me up for days MY LIFE IS JUST CONSTANT LEON KENNEDY BRAINROT . .
> 
> in any case ! pls enjoy my vent fic OOPS I MEAN cheon fic thanks

after leon’s nightmarish trek through the infected village towns of spain, he was certainly more than eager to return home to the comfort and quiet of his meager little apartment. he hardly slept the entire trip, save for the times he was forced into unconsciousness. his body ached for rest of some sort, though he was certain the images of visceral head explosions and fleshy tendrils of various monsters would drive him far from any decent sleep for at least a few months, if not the rest of his life. 

he tried not to think about it; it was just something else to add to the plate, he told himself; the main priority was to get himself and, more importantly, ashley home. right, because jetskiing away from an exploding island with all new horrors and traumas amok in his brain wasn’t hard enough, he needed the president’s daughter on his back asking him for “overtime” with a wink and a nudge on top of it all. though that thought didn’t even occur to him at the time, nor did the exhaustion that hollowed his soul—it was always the mission first, feelings second. so he kept his composure longer still, losing his discomfort as they sliced through the waves of the open ocean.

the unease and dread that followed him since he arrived in spain clung to him long and hard with black claws in his skin, only until he finally had ashley dumped off at the white house and his plane ticket back home in his hands. settling into his plane seat was the first time he realized the tenseness of his back and shoulders, the ache of sleep deprivation radiating through his muscles and bones. and, in that moment, just for a second, he felt his body go slack and his eyes fall closed, and he thought about absolutely nothing. a blissful second of silence; of peace. 

soon after takeoff, leon passed out cold. he was surprised when he woke up, since he didn’t even remember falling asleep—and he normally could never sleep on planes anyway. he figured the exhaustion finally caught up to him. but even in the taxi home he still felt tired, being ebbed and swayed through time, like it were a river and he was a floating dead fish being swept long for the ride. his brain could hardly make out the idea that he was going from one place to another; every step he took felt distant and foreign, no matter where he was. he felt this cripplingly frightening feeling begin to really fester in his chest even as he stood at his own front doorstep, feeling unfamiliar to him after what felt like so long. he sighed, shaking his head and pushing his door open, desperate to get to sleep. the door closed behind him; the only sound that rang through the hallways of his building in the late night.

for a good few weeks after his return, leon’s desk sat empty at the office, a layer of dust collecting on top of the few belongings of his that scattered its surface as the busy bustle of the BSAA building kept moving on without him. he kept calling in sick, but no one was gonna argue with him. they all read the report; after a mission like that, he’s lucky enough not to be mentally institutionalized. so, they let him drain his vacation days and then some without batting an eye. he deserved it, to say the least. 

but something wasn’t sitting right with chris redfield in regards to his friend. while true that anyone would need a break after a trip like that, chris knew leon much better than that—he was one to want to return to work as soon as possible, always desperate to be on the grind. many of their coworkers saw leon as focused and reserved, definitely well put together, but chris knew that he was really an anxious busybody under his cool surface, always in the need of some sort of action, some kind of stimulation to keep his own brain from eating itself. claire repeatedly reassured him that he would be fine, but while the two of them were close themselves, his sister didn’t know leon like he did, and the fact that leon hadn’t even made the effort to come in and at least be forcibly sent back home to rest was enough to make him wonder. it was even more out of character to not return any of chris’ texts or calls, which was enough to push him over the edge. he was officially worried.

claire sighed, placing her sandwich back down on its paper, staring at chris with inquisitive eyes. he didn’t notice; he was too busy spending their entire lunch break staring over her shoulder longingly at leon’s empty desk.

“i swear to god you have separation anxiety.” she said lowly. chris quickly snapped his eyes back to hers, his face deepening into a blush.

“i have every right to be nervous about him.” he responded simply, seriousness edging his words, his gaze quickly falling to his own food, which sat in front of him untouched on his desk. claire sighed again, longer and more concern-laden. 

“sure, but i don’t understand why you have to pout over it like a lost puppy every day,” claire said, quickly met with sharp eyes from her brother, “but seriously, he just needs some time. there’s no need to lose sleep over it.”

“you don’t get it,” chris mumbled, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, “he doesn’t do shit like this. this isn’t like him. i’m just...worried about him.” 

claire tilted her head, her eyes sympathetic, “i know, chris, i can tell. listen,” she reached her hand across the desk, resting it on his arm for a moment, “if you’re really that scared, maybe you should just go over there and check on him yourself.” she suggested, her voice soft. chris sat in a momentary silence, contemplating. the last thing he wanted to do was bother leon when he was supposed to be resting, but he figured it wouldn’t kill him to have a checkup. it would be to both of their benefit anyway, he rationalized. he can make sure leon is doing alright, and in turn, he can stop worrying around like a warwife. 

“maybe you’re right. he can stand to be looked after by someone other than himself, for once.” chris concluded, his eyes caught up with his own hands, not catching the slight look of concerned inquisition that donned claire’s face. but, before she could say anything, chris was on his feet.

“i guess i’ll just go now,” chris added quickly, “while i still have some break time left.” he quickly began to clean up his untouched lunch, which claire almost commented on, but she knew there wasn’t anything stopping him now that he had something he wanted to see through. 

however, the confidence chris had at the station didn’t last, as he suddenly found himself in front of leon’s door. he felt like an idiot, shuffling around on his feet nervously at the doormat, standing alone in the hallway of leon’s apartment building. he stood there for what felt like an eternity, practically holding his breath where he stood, trying to work up the courage to knock.

it was shameful to him that, after all the shit he’s encountered in his life, he needed to psych himself up to knock on a door. a blush creeped up his cheeks, more out of frustration with himself than anything. it was just enough to power him to raise his fist, rapping his knuckles against the wood of leon’s door. the sound rang through the hall, followed by a deafening silence as he waited, his heart jumping into his throat.

immediately the nerves started to kick in, and chris questioned why he came at all, or why he didn’t at least text or call to say he was coming, suddenly feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet. leon could be busy, or out of the house as far as he knew. he appalled himself with his own carelessness. 

that was, until, he heard the doorknob begin to turn. then, he forgot everything he ever knew, his mind going blank for a moment as he suddenly realized he had no idea what he was going to say when that door opened. 

he was greeted by a familiar pair of frosty blue eyes looking up at him, set deep into purple-lined eye sockets, his eye bags hanging even lower than last time chris saw him. and while it shattered his heart just a little, he felt warm and melty just being able to look at leon’s face again, even if his gaze gave off the impression that he wasn’t the same man anymore.

“leon,” chris said, entirely too breathless for his own comfort, “hi.”

“hey,” leon responded, his voice deep, soft and warm as usual, upturning slightly with his confusion, which was evident on his face now, “what...what are you doing here?” he asked, his voice lowering, as if there was anyone around to hear them talking anyway.

“i came to check on you. you’ve got us all really nervous down at the office, man.” chris retorted quickly. ‘us all’ obviously meant just him, but it was already out of his mouth; too late to take back now. leon regarded him carefully with those tired, tired eyes. his hair looked messy and maybe even slightly wet with the way it stuck to his forehead—an uncommon sight, as leon was one to keep his hair looking perfect at almost all times. 

“there’s no need to come all the way out here just to check on me…” leon replied lowly, his voice sounding damn near painful when he spoke, which wasn’t going to convince anyone, much less chris.

“that’s what they all told me, but you know me.”

leon laughed at that, so small and airy it would more accurately be called a huff, but seeing the slight upturn in leon’s lips for the first time in weeks kept it from mattering. he eased up a little, his figure falling lightly against the doorframe, staring at chris with slight amusement sparkling in his eyes. 

“i suppose i do.” leon answered, his voice warm, and it made chris smile, too. he took a moment to let his eyes wander downward, examining leon’s frame; he looked skinnier, though his muscles still stood out indignantly on his body, but the difference was enough for him to notice, even under leon’s black t-shirt and gray sweatpants. with how much work leon started putting into his body to compete with chris’ muscle mass, this concerned him, a seed of doubt settling in his chest. leon didn’t seem to notice his unease, still smirking at him, small and barely noticeable, but there nonetheless.

“well, did you get what you came for?” leon asked, his voice in his signature teasing tone, music to chris’ ears, if he were being frank. and in that moment, chris forgot a great multitude of things; about work, about his worries, about his break probably being near over. but, while he was endeared by leon’s sass, he knew the answer to that question immediately, and skipped no beats in his reply.

“nope. not at all.” he replied simply. leon quirked an eyebrow at him, presumably about to ask whatever else it was that he needed, when chris took it upon himself to put a strong hand on leon’s chest, pushing him aside and stepping into the darkness of the apartment.

“wait—what are you doing?” leon quickly questioned, his eyes suddenly filling with a cool concern. chris flicked on the lights, filling the apartment with a yellow artificial glow, bouncing off the curtains that were drawn tight over every window. 

“i’m taking care of you.”

leon seemed to jump out of his skin at that reply, “that's not necessary-”

“jesus, when’s the last time you opened a window in this place? it’s, like, suffocatingly musty in here.” chris interrupted, quickly setting out to open the windows in the small living space. leon stood by, nervous energy radiating off of him in thick clouds. he could be bit of a control freak sometimes, so chris understood the shiftiness of his stance as he drew open the curtains and natural light drowned the room, but he stayed non persistent, like he knew it was for the best for himself to just let it happen. and so, chris continued, until the light levels were substantial and he could hear the breeze outside spilling into the stuffy space. 

“there! doesn’t that feel so much better already?” chris said, turning to leon with a bright grin; leon looked up at him with a weak, nervous smile, his face flushed in a pretty shade of pink—the most color chris had seen on his face so far that day. he knew leon was most likely embarrassed; he didn’t like making any sort of show out of the state of his mental health, and having someone else come into his home and open all his windows to get some light for the first time in weeks was probably enough to make him bashful. chris didn’t want to embarrass him further, so he quickly clapped his hands together, signalling he had an idea. the sound startled leon slightly, his eyes snapping with alertness, but easing quickly afterward. chris took careful note, anyway. usually leon wouldn’t get scared by loud noises.

“i just realized, i didn’t get to have lunch. have you eaten yet today?” chris asked, as caringly as he could without coming off as overbearing. leon avoided his gaze, his own eyes twinkling with a look of uncertainty, as if he knew where this was going.

“yeah, i ate before you got here.” leon answered lowly. chris rolled his eyes, cocking his head to one side.

“kennedy, you aren’t a good liar, you know that, right?”

leon’s gaze snapped up to meet chris’, startled, “w-what?”

chris chuckled, “leon, i know you think you’re all tough and unreadable like you want to be, but i know you better than that. your eyes are very expressive.”

leon quickly looked away, his face spelling distress and embarrassment, his cheeks coloring and his gaze darting all over the place, trying to look anywhere but chris’ face. the elder just laughed again, a hand landing reassuringly on leon’s shoulder.

“don’t look so stressed, i’m probably the only person on the planet who can read you that well. that just means you can’t ever lie to me; no pressure,” chris said with a grin, and before leon could retort, he was brushing past him and walking to the kitchen, “here, let's get some food in your belly. it’ll make you feel better.” leon stood behind him for a moment, his mouth agape as he tried to think of what to say, before he gave up and reluctantly followed.

much to leon’s protests, chris insisted on cooking for him. it wasn’t anything particularly extravagant, just the panini recipe his mom used to make for him for lunches after school when he was young, but it was prepared carefully and skillfully with the practice of a loving friend, and he hoped leon would feel the same warmth and comfort he did when his mother made them.

although, leon didn’t seem to be in the mood to eat. he took a few bites until his face turned just absolutely dismal, staring down into his food like it was his enemy. chris noticed this with a heavy heart, unable to eat his own sandwich while watching his best friend seem so miserable.

“leon,” chris started, his voice nearing stern but still overwhelmingly fond, “what’s wrong?”

the younger hardly moved at being addressed, just his glassy eyes blinking slowly down at his meal. suddenly, he looked so tired, his body slack and weak, his face looking like he was mentally somewhere far, far away.

“i don’t know, just not feeling very hungry, i guess.” leon responded softly, passive, hoping to just roll right over the question and move on. chris stood strong, though.

“no, leon, i mean it. it's not the food, it's something else. something is wrong, i know it is, and you can’t lie to me; you don’t have to be ashamed to admit it,” chris pleaded gently, “you can talk to me, leon.”

leon’s posture suddenly slumped, his head hanging in shame, like a kid caught doing something he shouldn’t. he let a deep, long sigh spill from his lips, sounding like it came from far deep inside him, a part of him even more tired than the outside. he stayed like that for a long while, leaving the two of them in silence, chris nearly holding his breath from the tense thickness in the air.

“just…” leon started, but his voice sounded frail and miserable, “spain...things really changed, after spain i mean.” he kept his head hung low, leaving chris unable to see his eyes, which made his heart sink.

“hey,” he whispered, “look at me. it's okay.”

leon’s head raised slightly, and his crystal blue eyes glistened like the moon’s reflection rippling along ocean waves. the sadness poured out of them, leaking into the room and flooding all around them, threatening to drown them both.

they stared into each other's eyes for a period of silence, just sharing a mutual moment of peace and understanding. leon sniffled, evidently trying with all his effort not to cry. chris wanted to remind him again that it was okay, that he could cry if he needed to, but leon started speaking again before he got the chance.

“it's just—” he interrupted himself with a sharp sigh, composing himself, trying to think of what the hell to even say, “since i got back, things have been—or, felt—different. this body doesn’t feel like mine anymore. everything that happened there...it follows me everywhere i go. i see it every time i close my eyes. every morning i wake up screaming, if i even get to fall asleep the night before. i just…”

leon cut himself short, his voice suddenly pitching. his head hung low again, hiding his eyes, but chris could see the tears falling from his face.

“...i’m so fucking scared, chris. i'm scared, and i'm alone.”

with that, chris was on his feet in an instant. he rushed to crouch at leon’s side where he sat in his chair and quickly crowded him, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to look in his eyes.

“hey, look at me. listen to me, i’m right here. leon, you are not alone, not now and not ever. i’m right here for you, always.” chris poured, his voice dripping in sincerity. and leon evidently felt it, his tears slowing to a stop, his eyes wide and searching. chris stared up at him with fondness, as much as he could muster to physically show.

“talk to me, leon. tell me what’s been going on.”

the younger gulped, nervousness settling into his frame as he quickly became fidgety with the demand. however, he held chris’ gaze, some sort of invisible force keeping them from separating, but the desperation in his eyes said he wasn’t going to fight it, either.

“i can’t sleep,” he started weakly after a tense pause, his hands rising to rub his face, ending up staying there as he spoke into his hands, “it's doing shit to me. all the nightmares, they’ve started appearing in the daytime, too; in the corners of my eyes, like they’re always behind me. god, chris—sometimes i begin to think they’re really there-”

“hey, hey,” chris reassured, leaning into leon’s space when he noticed him start to shake, “they aren’t real, you’re safe here.” leon’s posture slumped, his elbows landing on his knees, curling into chris’ shape without actually touching, though his shaking didn't cease.

“th-that makes it worse, chris,” leon responded, his voice watery, “because that means i’m...i-i’m just going crazy!” the words fell from his lips in miserable broken breaths, like he was moments away from exploding. chris could tell instantly that thought was the thing that scared leon the most; going crazy...losing all control of himself, when, for most of his life, himself was all that he could confidently say he had.

he was wrong; leon couldn’t have known it then, but chris did. he knew that he wanted to stay by leon’s side for the rest of his life, if he could. he wasn’t alone; he would always have him.

“leon, listen to me right now,” he started eagerly, and leon’s head snapped up, showing his glittery, watery eyes, “you are not going crazy. do you hear me? you are in control. i’m gonna help you, and we’re gonna talk to other people who are gonna help you, too, but you can do this, okay? are you listening?”

leon sat for a moment, stunned, but then quickly dipped his head in a jerky nod, swallowing nervously.

“can you say it for me? everything's gonna be okay. say it with me, okay?”

‘everything is going to be okay’, they said in unison, leon’s voice low and crackly, chris’ warm and constant, reassuring. leon suddenly drew in a deep breath, as if he hadn’t been breathing the whole time. his chest continued to raise in shaky but nevertheless full breaths, which relieved chris a little bit. he gave him a good, long time to catch his breath and, more importantly, his thoughts. 

they sat in a comfortable yet slightly heavy silence, leon’s head still near laying in his own lap in his chair, level with chris’ chest, secretly listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat to keep timing of his breaths. meanwhile, chris very intently considered resting his chin on top of leon’s head and pulling him in. they were mere inches away, practically already in position, so he was tempted. but he kept in mind that leon told him before he didn’t like to be touched much, so he resisted. suddenly, leon leaned back, pulling away until their eyes met again.

“that was,” leon started, looking almost surprised with himself for speaking, “weirdly comforting. so, uh...thank you, i guess.”

chris had to hop through every mental and physical hoop possible to keep himself from beaming up at leon in that moment, but he somehow managed. he felt silly getting so giddy over a half-compliment, but he knew it was leon’s way of showing affection; it wasn’t really his strong suit, let’s just say. it's the little things.

“anytime, kennedy. here, try to get some more food in you,” chris suggested, tilting his head in the direction of leon’s sandwich, “you really look like you could use it.”

the younger scoffed lightly, grabbing his panini haphazardly and taking a big bite, as if he were making some sort of point. chris didn’t give any mind to the younger’s snarkiness; he just smiled, glad to see him eating.

“what do you mean by that, anyway?” leon asked, his mouth still full.

“by what?”

“‘you really look like you could use it.’” leon mocked, making chris smile again.

“well, you do! you look so much skinnier from when you left. i’m worried you haven’t been eating.”

leon acted taken aback, like that was a ridiculous thing to say, but his eyes said otherwise, glistening with guilt.

“i eat just fine, thanks,” leon said unconvincingly, going to take another bite before pausing to speak once more, “i’ve just been working out a lot more.”

“a lot more?” chris questioned incredulously, “you already work out too much, you don’t need to work out more. in any case, that must be why it's so musty in here.”

leon looked at him like he wanted to retort, but chris didn’t give him the chance.

“besides, i know you’re lying about eating, anyway, so don’t even try it. i’m gonna be making sure that you eat from now on, and you aren’t gonna like it, but it's for your own good.”

leon made a face, furrowing his brows like he wanted to protest, but he evidently gave up and said nothing, to chris’ mild amusement. as wrapped up in his own head as he could get sometimes, at least leon was always cooperative.

“you need to take better care of yourself, man.” chris said, his voice suddenly all too genuine. leon looked away, looking somewhat embarrassed.

“...i know.” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. his words felt fragile, breaking as they hit the air; his face was stern and solemn. chris’ chest ached, looking at him with sad, pleading eyes.

“c’mon, i didn’t mean it in a bad way. it's not your fault, okay?” chris asked, his voice soft. leon regarded him with flittering eyes, his gaze nervous but focused.

“yeah, i know. it’s…” he started, trailing off, seeming to think twice about what he was saying, “i’ll get there.” he finished finally, his words riding a sigh. he glanced to chris with shifty eyes, his fingers restless in his lap.

“you’ll...help me, right?” he asked, before his face immediately flushed, his whole body rejecting the words as if someone else said them through his mouth. chris grabbed his hands without thinking, just on instinct, pulling leon closer.

“yes, i’m here. hey, no, look at me,” he grabbed leon’s chin and tilted their gazes to meet, quickly drawing his hand away from him so as to not overwhelm him, “i’m gonna help you, okay?”

leon looked starstruck for a split second, unable to make any words for a few beats. chris thought it was cute, distantly in his mind; so distant that he didn’t even notice he thought it. 

“good...” leon eventually choked out, a blush deepening on his face, “thank you..”

chris chuckled, “you don’t need to be afraid to reach out and ask for it, you know.”

“yeah, yeah—i know,” leon retorted, “it’s just...i’ve never really asked someone for help before…”

“really? never in your whole life?” chris remarked sarcastically, and leon rolled his eyes.

“no, you know what i mean! like, asked someone to help me get better, asked someone if i can trust and rely on them to-”

he quickly cut himself off, realizing he was saying too much for his own comfort. he shook his head as if to clear the whole situation away from him, like it was a dream he could shake himself out of.

“leon, of course you can trust me,” chris practically pleaded, “you can rely on me for anything, i mean it. always.”

leon sighed fondly at that, a surprisingly warm smile spreading across his face. he quickly turned his face downward, hiding himself and fidgeting with his hands in his lap. it made chris’ heart flutter for some reason, his field of view seeming to shift all of a sudden. it threw him off; made him feel weird. they sat in a few moments of silence, their gazes separated and flickering about nervously, both suddenly hyper aware of the tension.

chris cleared his throat, “anyway,” he started, desperate to clear the silence, “have you spoken to literally anyone other than me since you got back?”

“my buddy lorenzo down at pizza palace and i have been in good contact.” leon joked hallowly, though chris frowned at his response.

“for real? no one at all?” he asked, his voice borderline worried. leon regarded him strangely, his eyes falling away and getting lost somewhere in the floor.

“well…” he began, sounding almost nervous, “um...i spoke with ada, actually.”

chris’ eyebrows lifted with surprise, “really, ada? how long ago was that?”

“uh...about a week after i got back. she asked if she could swing by...well, she didn’t ask. she said she was coming over because i owed her...she did save my ass in spain...a few times, actually.”

chris’ face hardened slightly at that. he could sense the unease radiating off of leon in sheets as he sat in a momentary silence.

“what...happened?” chris asked, almost reluctant. leon rubbed his forehead, looking to chris with uneasy eyes.

“heh, well...we had a few drinks. we got pretty drunk...very drunk. she...asked if she could stay the night.”

click. chris needed to hear no more.

“oh my god, you two had sex, didn’t you?” he asked, his voice nearly scandalized but he held back. leon immediately blushed and looked away without saying anything, which obviously meant yes.

“wow, i can’t believe it. congrats, i guess.”

“you’re not mad, are you?” leon suddenly asked, taking chris aback.

“what? why would i be mad at you?”

“well, i know you don’t like ada, so i thought-”

“i said i don’t trust her, but that’s because i don’t know her. plus, you’re a grown man, and i’m not your dad, my opinion shouldn’t influence who you bone.”

“do not ever say ‘bone’ again.” leon grumbled, his blush deepening. chris broke into a wide smile, laughing lightly at his response. 

“alright, alright, sorry, don’t pout.”

“i’m not-!” leon started, quickly stopping as he noticed chris’ smile, “whatever. just—whatever.” chris giggled at him, only flustering him more.

“well, was it any good at least?” chris asked, his voice lilting with his grin. leon’s gaze sharpened, his eyes practically begging for release from this teasing interrogation.

“...was fine, i guess.”

“just ‘fine?’ c’mon, you can do better than that. paint a mental picture.”

“you’re so disgusting,” leon remarked, to which chris only replied with laughter, “yes, it was just ‘fine.’ i only agreed because i was drunk and miserable and couldn’t sleep; all i wanted was to sleep, to feel something other than just...fear.”

chris’ smile faded, and he leaned closer to show leon he was listening.

“a-and i thought we could just get it over with, it would feel good and i would pass out and feel better in the morning and my life would go back to normal. but it...it didn’t feel like anything. and when it was over i just felt...disgusting. i could barely stand to look at myself, for some reason. it made me sick just thinking about it...i don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“hey, there’s nothing wrong with you!” chris retorted, sounding almost offended, “so what, you didn’t enjoy it, big deal! there’s nothing wrong with you because of that.”

leon nearly cringed at those words, seemingly against his will, “whatever, i just—i guess i just don’t like her. i thought i did, but not anymore, i’m sure of that now. she just...she uses me for when she needs me, pulls on my heartstrings in the way that’ll get me to do what she wants. i kept telling myself i wouldn’t fall for her traps, but i kept finding myself back in her web.” he stopped to sigh, his shoulders falling forward weakly. chris regarded him with warm, caring eyes, his heart pounding in his chest. if he ever saw that bitch again, he would be sure she got a piece of his fucking mind.

“but not anymore. she’s a manipulator, she doesn’t care about me, so why should i care about her? she doesn’t care about me at all...she doesn’t even know me! she doesn’t even compete when it comes to you-”

“me?” chris blurted out, unaware he was speaking until it was already too late, “what does this have to do with me?”

leon stared at chris for a moment with wide, petrified eyes. chris had known leon for a while, but he had never seen him make a face like that before; completely deer-in-the-headlights. his eyes scrambled to look anywhere other than chris, his face flushing red.

“um-! uh, i mean it as, just like, you know, a point of reference. you obviously know me better than she does. obviously.” he stuttered, his voice oddly high. chris stared at him with incredulous eyes, his mouth falling open slightly. they just stared at each other for a millisecond of tense silence, before they both turned to look somewhere else.

“right.” chris finally responded, far more dry and awkward than he meant, but he couldn’t help it. his tongue was tied in his mouth, his head spinning and his heart racing. he felt so fucking weird, and he couldn’t understand what was happening, but he could tell leon was feeling it too. the latter, meanwhile, was blushing and squirming in his seat. neither of them could stand the silence that filled the room and threatened to drown them both. when, all of a sudden, chris stood up, suddenly towering over the still sitting leon, who instantly shrunk into his chair with wide eyes.

“leon,” chris said as gently as he could, “there’s...something you aren’t telling me.”

leon’s eyes scanned chris’ face in a flurry, his chest rising and falling faster and faster the longer they stared at each other. chris thought he looked like he was going to start having a panic attack.

“it’s okay, leon, i just want to know.” he pleaded, soft and reassuring. leon stared at him a moment more before his head began to shake, his hair shivering over his pale face. he quickly rose to his feet, turning away from chris, and tried to walk away without another word.

“leon!” chris called, grabbing his wrist. leon stiffened in his grasp, feeling frail and shaky. chris grabbed him by the shoulders and hoisted him around to face him, their faces suddenly quite close.

“don’t run away from this, leon. this is part of getting better, you gotta talk to me, man, you gotta let me know what you’re thinking.” chris pleaded, his desperation spilling into his tone. leon looked absent; he said nothing, not even a nod. chris slid his hands up leon’s neck, grabbing his face, his thumbs resting on leon’s cheeks. the latter gasped, his own hands flying up to land on top of chris’, but surprisingly not to fight it; he just rested them on top.

“are you listening to me? look at me!” chris cried, his hands gripping leon’s skin, and the younger’s eyes suddenly snapped into focus, staring straight back into chris’ gaze.

silence resonated around them, broken only by leon’s ragged, heavy breaths. his skin burned under chris’ touch, and he watched as leon’s face painted itself a myriad of sunset colors as they stared at each other. it felt absurd, but chris couldn’t help it; he wanted to spend forever staring into those eyes. leon melted in his grip, his hands clinging to chris’, his fingertips gracing chris’ knuckles every once in a while, periodically, and definitely intentionally, which made chris’ heart tremor for some reason.

alas, he remembered that leon doesn’t really like touch that much, and was probably screaming in his head, begging for this to end. he blinked thoughtfully to avoid sighing, and began to let his hands fall from leon’s face.

but the younger gasped, quickly grabbing his hands and shoving them back up to cup his face again, leaning into the contact. his eyes glittered up at chris, who blushed down at him in return, his mouth falling open in surprise. they shared eye contact for a moment, before chris ran one of his thumbs across leon’s cheek, who’s eyes fluttered, his breath pitching. chris regarded him intensely, the air feeling too thick to breathe.

“you like that?” chris asked, and it was a genuine question, but it came out far more gruff and suggestive than he meant. 

nonetheless, leon kept eye contact, gulping hard before he replied, “y-yeah.”

“i thought you said you didn’t like being touched.”

“that’s just what i say to keep people from touching me...i’m so touch starved that one hug can make me cry.” leon admitted bashfully, but he smiled, “i thought you could read me perfectly. guess your intuition isn’t as strong as you thought it was.” he teased, smiling meekly. chris’ eyes flickered, a smile spreading across his face.

“all these years, and you’re still such a brat.” he remarked warmly, his voice strangely fond, his hands creeping along to grab the back of leon’s head, yanking him forward. he gasped, his grip hardening around chris’ hands, who smiled at him fondly in response.

“does this mean i can hug you?” he asked. leon sighed, rolling his eyes, shifting on his feet, before he finally nodded, leaving chris to grin at him.

he threw his strong arms around leon, finally drawing him in tight against his chest. he spread his hands out wide along his back, running up and down the smooth expanse, leaving leon to shiver and gasp in his grasp, melting and going nearly completely weak in chris’ suffocatingly strong grip.

“tighter.” leon demanded gently after a moment, and chris was more than happy to wordlessly oblige, pulling him in even tighter. their chests were pressed flush together, to the point where they could feel the speeding pulses of their hearts on each other’s skin. leon seemed to wheeze out a blissful sigh, his own arms wrapping along chris’ wide, strong back, his fingers tracing lines along his muscles.

“that good?” chris asked in a soft voice, leaning his head against leon’s, who leaned back into the contact.

“mm...perfect.” leon groaned into chris’ shoulder, his hands still roaming his back in aimless circles. 

“i’m surprised you’re enjoying this so much.” chris said, and he could feel leon smile into his neck.

“why do you think i was always so infatuated with your muscles?” leon asked, his voice lilty and maybe even slightly nervous, his fingers gripping absentmindedly in the fabric of chris’ shirt. the elder just gave a little squeeze, turning his face into leon’s neck.

“all this time, huh?” chris whispered, his voice low, hopeful. leon’s breath hitched, but he pretended not to hear anyway, opting not to answer that question.

“chris…” he started with a shaky, nervous voice, “i’m...i’m so glad i have you.” he finished, uncharacteristically sincere. and, while it wasn’t a direct answer to his question, chris knew that, secretly, it was. and he knew exactly what it meant. 

he let leon go, pulling away, before quickly replacing his hands on the sides of his face again, staring back into his eyes. they shared gazes for a moment while chris collected himself. against his will, his eyes flickered down to leon’s lips; the younger noticed, and mirrored the action, much to chris’ surprise. his heart jumped into his throat, and it took everything in him not to choke when he started to speak.

“can i kiss you?” he whispered, his breath beating against leon’s lips. the younger gulped, his mouth agape, eyes darting from chris’ eyes to his lips, over and over, his cheeks reddening, before he finally just grabbed chris’ face and collided their lips together himself.

chris let out a muffled noise against leon’s lips, unprepared for his boldness, but he quickly melted into the kiss, his hands immediately beginning to run all over every inch of leon’s body that he could reach.

the younger leaned into chris’ hands, gasping and whining into his mouth and clinging desperately to the elder’s shirt. instantly, chris was drunk; he couldn’t get enough. all he wanted for the rest of all time was to kiss leon, to hold him in his arms and hear his cute little noises. his eagerness for more made him hungry, parting his mouth wider and deepening their exchange with every move, pressing himself into leon’s intoxicating warmth. leon pushed back, his intensity matching chris’, his own hands beginning to grow wild and restless along the spread of chris’ muscular skin.

before either of them knew it, they were manipulating each other over to the couch. they fell into it with a thud, chris landing on top of leon, their kiss reconnecting with heat. the younger keened, his back arching up into chris’ warm body, who sucked hungrily at his bottom lip in response. leon moaned weakly at the feeling, his face getting so hot he thought he would start steaming. chris swallowed up the sound, connecting their lips with feverish intent. leon shuddered against him, turning into a complete mess from the sensory overload, his hands trailing over chris’ chest in shaky but greedy movements. the elder groaned, his fingers gliding down leon’s sides and up under his shirt, tracing over the ridges and bumps of scars that riddled leon’s otherwise soft and smooth skin, which was warm to the touch. leon shivered in his hands, a whine slithering out of his throat, shutting himself up by pushing harder into chris’ lips. he smiled against leon’s mouth, unable to keep himself from doing so.

he was suddenly overwhelmed with what was happening. it all went down so fast that his brain hardly had the chance to catch up. and yet here he was, pressed up against the love of his life, kissing him at last, holding him close at last. it almost seemed too good to be true; his heart teemed with gratefulness, swelling lovingly in his chest. he cupped leon’s face, kissing him earnestly and heartfully, hoping he could convey all he was feeling through action alone. leon quickly clutched onto chris’ hands, kissing back with comparable intensity, a whine resonating from his throat. chris pulled away, leaving leon’s head to fall back onto the couch, his swollen lips parted as he caught his breath. his eyes looked blown out, his pupils wide and dark like he was drunk, a pretty blush painted across his cheeks. chris couldn’t help the fond smile that broke out across his face.

“god, you’re so hot, kennedy.” he said, his voice husky and warm. leon squirmed underneath him, a groan ringing out from him.

“you can...touch me, if you want.” leon whispered, unsure of himself, but he looked up at chris with eager eyes. the elder furrowed his brow at him.

“hey, leon, you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, you know.” chris said. leon blinked up at him, nearly frowning.

“yeah, i know that…”

“like, if the stuff with ada is too recent, you don’t have to, if it makes you uncomfortable. i don’t want you to think i’m trying to pressure you into anything, because i’m not, it’s totally up to you-”

“chris,” leon interrupted earnestly, “you aren’t like ada, and this isn’t like then. i’m not drunk, i’m not scared. i want this.” he sounded nearly breathless at the end there, his eyes glittering hopefully.

“okay, okay, but just, think hard about it, okay? i don’t want you to regret anythi-”

leon whined, wrapping his arms around chris’ neck, pressing his hips up into the elder’s stomach. when chrus felt something hard pointing up indignantly from leon’s sweatpants, pressing into his stomach, he finally understood. his mind went blank for a moment, his head feeling hot.

“chris, please.” leon pleaded, his hips stuttering, struggling to maintain control. 

“okay baby, it’s okay, i got you.” chris finally replied with a warm whisper, pressing a kiss to leon’s temple as he wrapped his arms around his waist. he rolled them over until leon was on top, riding his thick thigh, his body arching into chris’ heat. chris wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him close, leaning to whisper into leon’s ear.

“go ahead, baby, take what you need. i’m here.” chris said, deep and present. 

leon quickly made a mess of himself, whimpering and humping chris’ leg like a dog, and chris led his hands up under leon’s shirt, running along the hot spread of his skin, encouraging him along with loving whispers and gentle kisses. after not much longer, leon shuddered and wept as he came out to a climax, rubbing himself out rough on chris’ leg until his groans stopped and his breathing evened out. the entire time, chris coaxed him along, his fingers running along his chest and sides, eventually running down his thighs, and quickly grabbing his ass for just a moment. leon jerked at the contact before giggling, losing his strength and falling into chris’ chest, sighing into his sweaty shirt. chris felt the mess that leon made in his pants making itself know on his own leg, but he couldn’t even come close to caring if he tried.

they laid in a long stretch of silence, listening to the thundering sound of each other’s heartbeats, their breaths syncing as leon caught his composure again as he rested on chris’ chest.

just as chris thought he could fall asleep, leon bolted upright in his lap, staring down at him with wide eyes.

“oh—uh, shit, sorry—did you finish? i-i didn’t mean to leave you hanging-” he began, his voice quivering with nervousness.

“ah—don't even worry! already taken care of.” chris admitted, somewhat embarrassed. leon blinked at him as if he didn’t understand. his eyes darted down to their hips; to the growing wet patch that splayed the front of his own sweatpants...and then the one that chris mirrored on his own pants front. leon blinked again, seemingly in disbelief.

“it’s been a while since i got any action. sorry.” chris said softly, slightly bashful. 

“n-no, don’t apologize! it’s okay. i mean, i basically did the same.” he said, smiling sheepishly, which made chris’ heart burst with warmth. he cupped leon’s face, smiling at him fondly.

“you’re so cute.” he said. leon rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless, his blush deepening.

“whatever.”

“did it feel good?” chris asked, his hands massaging leon’s thighs. the younger smiled shyly, shivering in his grasp, his eyes averting chris’ gaze.

“y-yeah.”

“better than ada?” chris asked with a smirk, making leon blush.

“oh, shut up.”

“well? was i?”

leon pouted, scrunching his nose in protest.

“...yes.”

chris grinned, wide and warm, his hands settling at leon’s waist and pulling him closer. 

“just you wait. we’re only getting started.” chris remarked through his smile. leon blushed, shoving his face into chris’ chest with a groan.

“jesus…”

chris laugh, throwing his arms around leon’s back, squeezing him in close, causing him to sigh contentedly from the pressure.

“oh, c’mon. you know you love me.”

leon huffed a small laugh into chris’ chest, settling into his warmth, breathing in his scent. he could get used to this, he thought...

“...you know i do.”

**Author's Note:**

> HII U MADE IT TO THE END 
> 
> if u enjoyed then YEYY i’m so glad :] kudos and comments are of course always greatly appreciated, but just the time u gave me to read my work is enough so TYSM <3<3 have a great day ilu


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